Too Tired to Cry

Sunday should have been one of the happiest and most blessed days of being a Gramma.  We gathered together with Eli to dedicate ourselves as family and friends to guide his life toward knowing His Savior Jesus.

Our little Morristown church was filled to capacity with our family, the entire Womack family, plus John and Jeanine Voorhees.  (I call them Eli’s grand ‘god’ parents.)

If that wasn’t enough, we were also blessed to have Mike Mahon sharing a powerful sermon.  Add to that the Petersons:  Mark, Brenda, Paul, Lisa and all their children.  It was a mini reunion of our young couples ministry in Chandler.  That small group was whom God used to ignite in our hearts the passion for full time ministry.

We had 19 adults and 16 children as special guests.  We also invited another 4 adults and 9 children to join us for lunch.  Do the math and you will see it was quite a lively day.

After cleaning up the church, I made it home too tired to cry.

Please don’t feel sorry for me.  This was exactly what God had intended.  I needed a ‘sound lashing’ but He gave me a tender rebuke.

You see for some time I had been struggling with fatigue, frustrations, and feelings of failure.  A little play on words for all F’s don’t make for a good report card.  I knew I needed to make some changes in my life but I feared taking the first steps.

I was worthless Sunday night but Monday morning, God spoke with power.  After a week of fasting in which I was searching for answers to my future and miracles for some hurting friends, He delivered more than I could have imagined.

The Monday Beth Moore teaching was on the Captivity of Activity.  (I recommend it to everyone in ministry.)  The Spirit of God sat on my heart the entire hour and I knew two things: I needed to make a list of all my duties and allow Him to start crossing off some things.  I needed some fun-filled rest in my life.

Right after class, I drove to Flagstaff to speak at the state Baptist Senior Adult Summit.  By the time I arrive, I had the list and the plan.  Yes, I multitask while driving.  It is only safe when the Spirit is in control.

Praises to His name, for as I walked in the hotel I felt a skip to my step and 100 pounds lighter.  Obedience is the greatest weight loss program.  Try it!

Major changes are coming.  I will withdraw from most of my responsibilities within and outside of the church.  God is blessing me with time to pursue a writing and speaking ministry full time.

I will have hours each day immersed in His Word as I study, pray, and write Bible studies.  I cannot imagine a grander way to spend this next season of life.

But because He does immeasurably more than all we can ask or imagine, I get to have fun along the way.  My mind is racing with ideas.  I haven’t had a girl’s road trip since college.  I haven’t attended a retreat that I haven’t been the speaker in 20 years.  I have a list of places I want to see and things I want to do.  I want regular date nights with my husband.  I want a family vacation with all my kids.  You know the best part about all this is: God wants this for me.

I think He wants me to rest because He wants to romance me.  This is a word He keeps bringing to my mind.  I have actually started a separate ‘Romance Me’ journal in anticipation of our journey together.

He also wants to hear me laugh.  Far too often my mind is spinning with the stress of activity.  I miss the fun of the moment because I am living somewhere in the future or mentally spinning in circles.  He loves to laugh and I want to laugh with Him.

Another benefit of this season of rest, I will be more controlled.  I know that sounds like a contradiction but hear me out.  I have noticed that when I am far too busy, I run on adrenaline.  This hyped state allows me to accomplish an abundance of duties but at the same time, I seem to have less control over what I say and how I behave.  I know I have offended my loved ones by being pushy, bossy, and embarrassing as I blurt out the wrong thing at the wrong time.

This makes me wonder, could I not be the only one who is so negatively affected by stress-fueled adrenaline?  Wonder how many problems in our churches and families would cease to exist if we all lived in the joy filled rest He has offered.

I can’t speak for others but I know that this girl is going to rest and start having some fun.  Any ideas?


6 responses

  1. Beautiful, beautiful for you, girl. God’s best blessings upon you.
    Yeah……………….I’d like to do a road trip. 🙂

    1. So good to see you at the Summit and especially to hear you play the piano. Road trip, yes ma’am we’re going to do it.

  2. Carrie Atkinson | Reply

    How about a road trip to Denver. We have an awesome women’s retreat planned for September in Estes Park. Would love to hang out with you in the mountains. Simply food for thought –

    P.S. Eli is adorable!!

    1. I would LOVE to return to CO. I loved our few days there. Maybe we can work it out that Courtney, Tori, and I can all come to visit at the same time. Retreat sounds like a good excuse!

  3. precious words! pick a destination and maybe………….we all can meet! Wouldn’t that be a blessed weekend? whoa!

    1. Whoa!!! for sure. August is shaping up to be fun. I get to watch Eli for our first overnighter, go to WV, girls trip to CA, and then watch Eli for 4 days!!! I’m just getting started, let’s make plans.

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