“Write about what you know.” Gil gave this advice to Anne and she wrote a best seller about her life at Green Gables. Wonder if it will work for me?
I know distractions. My mind is immersed in a swirling sea of frustrations, ideas, truths, lies, plans, and desires. I can’t seem to nail one thing down and stick with it. Wow, I can’t believe I finished the stenciling in one day. I love it.
My prayer life suffers when I’m like this. How about you? Do you struggle to stay focused? I just remembered my friends are coming for our prayer fellowship and lunch tomorrow. I better find a dessert recipe and go to the store.
When I’m like this I feel a million miles from God. Life gets harder when I’m not in His Presence. I really miss Eli. What excuse can I use to call Tori?
I determined the other day to spend time with the Lord or die trying. I settled into my comfy recliner with notepaper, phone, tea, and of course, my Bible. I knew what to do from all the years of teaching people about prayer. I look out the French doors to begin worship.
The backyard really needs some work. I wonder if we can afford a play set for Eli. I need curtains for the door. I’ll put the tapestry from Ireland on the right side to balance the hall tree on the left. Yeah, that would be perfect.
“You are Lord of creation and Lord of my life”
“No I Am not!”
“You love all those distractions more than Me.”
He was right. He always is. I would much rather think about Eli and his sweet smiley face. I get more excited about decorating my house than I do reading His Word. I’m more interested in pleasing my friends than pleasing Him. Like a divine power point presentation, the truths flash in rapid-fire sequence across my mind.
The only logical thing to do after this revelation is to get off my feet and on my knees in repentance. The problem is not the distractions. The problem is, I desire them more than Him. The problem is in my heart, not my mind. I can’t take every thought captive when I love the thought.
Let’s get honest. It’s always a love issue.
Father, Holy God, have mercy on me. I now see that the distractions are not the issue, my heart is the culprit. I don’t love You the way You deserve. I’ve lost the desire for You above all things. I don’t get excited about being with You. I don’t thrill at the thought of a moment in Your Presence. I want it but I want these others things too, even more so.
Oh please forgive me for the weakness of my heart. Please forgive me for the wasted days while walking in the things of the world. Please forgive me for being unwilling to see and savor only You. Please forgive me.
I’ve been lazy. I know it takes effort, perseverance, and passion to guard my heart. I refused to even try. I listened to the lies of the enemy and believed You were angry with me and would never accept me again. I doubted Your mercy and grace for a wayward child.
Here I am for I have nowhere else to go. Who else has the love I so desperately need. You alone have the answers. You alone have grace abounding. Restore me for without You I am lost. Amen